How much do we love?

When I came back from PMS (Perhimpunan Musim Sejuk a.k.a. Winter Retreat, not the other PMS), I did not just learn to train myself to control my whims, shift my paradigm and move on to enter a new beginning. As I watched the final years, the friends I’ve known for at least a couple of years, perform the au revoir ‘ritual’, I learned something invaluable. That I should appreciate any ukhuwwah, any relationship that I have, while Allah still allows me to have any.

Sometimes we take the people around us for granted. It’s not until we lose them that we appreciate their presence. We often forget to call our old mates, to drop a line, to ask how they’re doing. It’s not that we forget them, but when our daily routines don’t revolve in the same orbit as theirs anymore, their existence and significance seems to fade into the background, and you only remember them when there’s a trigger, like their birthday, a mutual friend’s wedding, or it’s exam time and you want their prayers.

When I was in Manchester, I was often a hermit, secluding myself and being anti-social. It was only when I moved to Preston (a blessing in disguise indeed!) did I realise how much I enjoyed my friends’ company. And now, only now, do I try to meet up with them every time I go down to Manchester, to have dinner with them, go window shopping, or simply stay in, watch a movie and have a pillow talk.

Sometimes you only realise how selfish you are when you see how others treat you – you’re surprised that other people think of you so much and appreciate your friendship a lot. I learned my lesson when a very good friend of mine from Dublin decided to visit me in Preston. Of course I was taken aback, nobody wants to come to Preston, not even if they have a beautiful wife here. So I asked her if she was sure she was coming to Preston, or was it Manchester? She replied, “ke mana saje yg ade awk”. Sebak. Another friend of mine (junior sekolah actually) from London is coming to Manchester soon, and she was gonna surprise me by making plans to come visit me in Preston. Terharu. But it wasn’t necessary since I’ll be in Manchester as well when she’s around. It’s such a pleasant surprise that someone whom you very rarely think of, whom you only communicate with when she contacts you, regards you with such fondness. Kadang2 saya pun hairan why people are still friends with me…

At the moment, I’m kinda home alone (not really, coz saya menumpang rumah Lindale) because Kak Ning decided to go back to Malaysia before the exams to take a break from everything (yeah, leaving her husband sebagai orang bujang), and Aidah is away in Spain, with Sarah, Fatimah and Aishah. At times like these baru saya faham kenapa my housemate (nama dirahsiakan) texted me one day asking me when I was coming home from the Kennington’s. She said it would be relieving to hear my laughs after a depressing day at work (hospital on a Saturday is a bummer). And it’s at times like these baru saya faham kenapa housemate saya (juga nama dirahsiakan) cried when two of us were going down to Manchester for the weekend, leaving her home alone. It’s not the loneliness that bothers her, but rather the solitude and lack of companionship.

Therefore, I vow that inshaAllah I will learn to cherish my family and friends more, to acknowledge my acquaintances and to greet strangers. Ingatlah, setinggi2 ukhwah ialah ithaar (putting a friend’s needs/desires above your own) dan serendah2 ukhwah ialah berlapang dada (not feeling affection nor contempt).

I want to end this entry with an unrelated quote from a movie which all girls should watch.

Not all who wander are aimless. Especially not those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond the image.

[Betty Warren, Mona Lisa Smile]

P.S.: Tadi I got a message from one of my best friends. She had just come back from Hanisah’s wedding and asked me, what we will happen to our friendship once we all get married? I cried coz I knew the harsh reality of the answer.

And she flies away...

In exactly 7 days, my dear best friend will be tying the knot. That’s not just gonna be a big step for her, but for the whole band of bandits as well. We’re all very excited about it, I myself am having palpitations already! It’s hard imagining your friend whom you’ve known for almost a decade is stepping into a new world that’s very much different from the world we grew up in together. It’s full of unknowns and mysteries. And it’s even harder to imagine that your friend will no longer just be your friend, but she’ll be someone’s wife, someone’s mother, someone’s daughter in-law, and your friendship can no longer stay the same. It’s sad that the inevitable truth is she won’t have as much time for us as she used to, and she’ll be busy with more important things rather than engrossing herself with the petty and nonsensical things we do together.

But Hanisah love, no matter what happens, and how things may change, we want you to know that we all love you muchísimo! We are really really happy for you. And we pray for all the world can offer for the both of you, and even better for the hereafter. And Shamin, you better make her happy, or you’ve got a lot of people you gotta face up to (I’m sure you will, though).

ﺑﺎﺭﻙ ﺍﷲ ﻟﻛﻡ ﻭ ﺑﺎﺭﻙ ﻋﻟﻳﻛﻡ ﻭ ﺟﻣﻊ ﺑﻳﻧﻛﻣﺎ ﻓﻲ ﺧﻳﺭ

Speaking of all this, there was an article in Student Direct entitled: Couples, Spare a Thought for the Singletons!

It may sound funny on first read, but if you think about it, there are loads of couples who are so annoying that you feel like pushing them off a bridge (okay, maybe that’s too dramatic). Honey, I don’t give a rat’s caboodle what your boyfriend/husband/partner likes and dislikes. I’ve got more important things to do than listen to your oh-so-happy-married-life stories. Serious.

Kalau omputih yang sesuka hati dia nak buat apa pun rasa camtu, apatah lagi orang2 Melayu. And trust me, it’s not about jealousy, coz in my case, I am as far away from having interest in getting married as you can get (In fact, your annoyingness may be one of the factors that’s putting me off!). It’s just plain annoying. Someone once asked me (dialog diubahsuai untuk menjaga anonymity),

“Bila awak nak kawen?”

“Entah. 2010 kot.”

“Kenapa? Tu keputusan sapa?”

“Saje suka2.” (Sebok je dia.)

“Eh, kawen la cepat. Nanti susah saya kena bawak anak ramai2 ke kenduri awak.”

Her point was, by the time I finally do get married, she'll already have loads of kids. I think I gave a rather polite answer to the lady, when I could have said, “And what makes you think you’re coming to my wedding anyway?”

So like I said before, you can keep the details of your happily ever after to yourself. And if you desperately feel that you need to share it with someone, go talk with that reflection you see in the mirror, and allow us to enjoy the bit of remaining sanity we still have. It just makes people hate/disrespect you.

Seb baik saya cool je. Bak kata seorang ahli falsafah terkemuka dunia, eh, Thorncliffe, Mademoiselle Socratun, kahwin ni macam mengantuk. Ada satu masa kita rasa mengantuk sangat, and nak sangat tidur, tapi atas circumstances tertentu, kita takleh tidur. Lama2 kita akan hilang rasa mengantuk tu, and jadi susah pulak nak tidur. Saya dah sampai tahap tak mengantuk sekarang.

Enough with that.

Last Thursday, we had a bake sale to raise funds for the victims of the merciless cyclone Sidr that hit Bangladesh last month. Thousands were killed, houses and schools were blown away, and forestry and agriculture were destroyed.

I don’t know how to thank the people who were involved. Most of us were Malaysians, with the exception of a few locals. We sold chocolate chip cookies, fudge brownies, chocolate and vanilla cakes, banana chocolate cheesecake, carrot cake, cream cheese cookies, chocolate peanut butter cups (rasa macam Reese’s!), kek batik, nasi lemak and dadih. Seronok sangat tengok everyone beli sejak start the sale. Ada yang beli sampai 3,4 cake slices untuk dia sorang. But everyone persuaded themselves by giving the excuse that it’s for a good cause, so it’s ok to eat some extra calories. And even those who were actually strong enough to stick to their diet donated money. And those who paid and didn’t want any change.

Alhamdulillah, we managed to raise over 170 pounds. Tu baru buat kat Education Centre, and only for about 4,5 hours. Kalau buat kat reception hospital sure boleh dapat lagi banyak. Hopefully we can do that one day.

And yang paling saya hargai are those who baked and cooked, and did not want to claim even a penny for the costs. Thank you sooo much for all the support from everyone (buyers too)! You guys are the best! May Allah reward your deeds endlessly. And may the people of Bangladesh benefit from the little that we have done.

The poster - hasil kerja Fatimah yang techno savvy.

Other photos to appear later inshaAllah.