Cairo, di mana suamiku?

My God! It’s been exactly 3 months since I last updated! Tsk tsk tsk. No wonder all the complaints! And since dah nak kembali menulis setelah sekian lama ni (though I can’t guarantee how frequent it’ll be coz of a kunun busy academic year – OSCEs next month! ), susah skit la nak menulis dengan mantap. Tambah pula I’ve just finished my 4 weeks of mental health/psychiatry, so I feel I don’t have much intellect left in me. So apologies for that. I was even undecided as to what title I should use for this entry. So I decided to have fun with Kak Zy and Kak Atun’s title, walaupun tiada kaitan langsung dengan yang hidup atau yang sudah meninggal dunia.

And before I proceed, I must warn you that there may be uncomfortable issues talked about below. I have by no means any intention of PDA-ing, but it seems like I need to give a collective answer/reply to everyone’s questions. And as much as it used to be uncomfortable for me, I’m sure a lot of other people feel that way too. So if you’ve got my type of personality, please do not proceed to the following paragraphs.

Bila orang tanya, “Apa perasaan lepas kawen?” or “Best tak kawen?”, I will give the same answer as Kak Ning – “Biasa2 aje.” Habis, what do you expect me to say? That the sun is always shining and the skies are always blue and life is just beautiful? Eh eh, tak baik menipu… As someone rightfully pointed out, it’s not as bad as I thought, but life doesn’t suddenly become perfectly perfect either. Yes, I am happy and grateful that Allah guided me to make the right decision. But it doesn’t mean that after marriage, life is a bed of roses, or the weather doesn’t suck, or Preston is a great place to live in.

Dan banyak juga permintaan from people for me to share my experience. Pengalaman apa benda pun saya tatau. Bukannya ada apa2 yang menarik pun nak share. Poyo je semua orang . Anyway, I will just ramble on about anything random that comes through my head.

I would say that the best thing about actually getting married (not being married) is you get to feel everyone’s love . Yeah, you know all your family and friends love you, but only when there’s such an occasion as your marriage, baru la you get to see how much everyone loves you and will go so far to make you happy.

First of all, the endless and immense (infinity!) support from the parents and siblings in all aspects. I couldn’t imagine how I would survive the three weeks of emergency preparation for the wedding without them . And obviously everything they did during the kenduris was amazing! And the immense support afterwards as well, making sure everything was ok with me, that I wasn’t doing anything utterly stupid or anything. Hehe. Unbelievable. I still can’t believe that God loves me enough to give me such a loving and supportive (and all the best adjectives in the world!) family.

The support and love from the extended family was unbelievable as well. For some reason, family members from far and wide semua balik. Even the cousins yang raya pun jarang balik rumah parents diorang actually came home this time. Aunts and uncles and cousins and anak cousins whom I haven’t seen for years were there to show their love.

And of course my lovely friends yang datang tolong everyday since I only had 3 weeks to get everything ready (including intense mental and emotional preparation). If I were to list all those friends and everything they did, I could actually start a new blog, with one entry per friend, so I’ll just mention a few (sapa2 yang tertinggal, I do remember you, dear, but my tangan dah lenguh menaip).

Rakan-rakan pencinta kamera.

- Farah, Ada, Nat, Jee and Dina who came to help almost everyday, including the night before the big day. Doing everything from pelamin to wedding favours. And of course the rest of the gang who were there since morning. You girls are the love of my life!

- Hanisah who called me every few days from NZ to try to convince me to change my mind about marriage, saying that it’s not as bad as I thought it was. And despite my sky-high ego refuting every single word she said and not even considering them at all, she still persisted . Not forgetting Hanisah’s mom, Makcik Tina who booked her ticket months before to stay for a few days to help before, on the day, and after the event. Even when she was busy preparing for her own son’s wedding a couple of weeks afterwards.

- The Manchester and Preston girls (and kakak2!) who had been giving support even before it actually happened (Kak Zy even called a few times to check that I hadn’t killed myself). Te quiero!

- Cik Leqa and Cik Pija who booked their tickets well in advance to fly in from Penang to be there, and stayed until late afternoon although I didn’t have time to properly entertain them. So sorry huns!

- Saadah who picked up everyone from the airport and when I went to the in-laws, she stayed with me until late afternoon and almost everyone had gone (even my parents abandoned me!). You don’t how much I appreciated that.

- All the girls (and guys) who came from far and wide – Nik, Shaq, Nora, Cik Seni, DQUIA girls. Terharu sangat2 saya!

- And of course everyone yang doakan dari kejauhan (yes, that includes you Nanya and Aishah!). Without all those prayers, I’m sure things wouldn’t have been the same.

And not to forget, both photographers who did labour for free - Abang Min of PrettyPeektures and Oon Yeoh. You guys are brilliant and the photos are beautiful works of art!

Relating to that point again (i.e. people’s love), another great thing that happens because of the occasion is all the gifts and prezzies ! Of course there were the endless sets of glasses and other kitchenware (which we decided will be used for the next kenduri in the family ), and also kain batik (I don’t know why people bother to give kain batik – who knows how to wear them anyway??? ), but there were also loads of personal gifts that took my heart away , including those who helped fulfill my wishlist – the wooden rehal and Quran holder, the kains and tudungs, the cute bear who flew all the way from England, the coffee maker and so much more (someone actually gave me a baby set – I will remember to penyek the kid when I see him! ). Oh yes, tip number 1, please have a wedding wish list. Of course for some people, it seems too arrogant or superficial to ask for things as wedding gifts. But for me, it saves the hassle of stacking up sets of glasses/bowls in the corner of your room and stocking up on kain batiks like you’re gonna start a batik business. If you’re the shy type, then don’t publicise the list, just pass it around to your close family and mates – they’d be more than happy to get those things for you, coz otherwise, they’d have to go through the trouble of actually thinking and deciding what to get. It’s a win-win situation really.

Tip number 2, if you don’t really feel like getting married, try spreading the word around. Even if you really are jumping in your pants wanting to get married so much, pretend you don’t. Coz for some reason, people around you will then want you to get married so much, they’ll be really nice and do things for you. Hehe. You know how when you wanna do something so much (like getting married), everyone usually says no. Well, same rule applies vice versa (reverse psychology does work! ). Parents and siblings tu takleh nak cakap la betapa baaanyaknya benda diorang sanggup buat – my adik2 even got me really expensive gifts that I wouldn’t even buy for myself! A cousin sponsored my facial and whatever beauty regime you have to go through pre-nup. The no-cost-for-labour professional picture people (including the trainees and wannabes!) – that saved thousands of ringgit! The discounts and freebies for catering and rentals (ok, they didn’t know I didn’t wanna get married). And of course all the cousins, anak cousins and anak murid who did intense manual labour for the kenduris. Even my tailor only charged the normal baju kurung prices for both my attires! There were many more offers from aunts and uncles and friends and family friends to sponsor and provide this and that, but we had to turn some of them down – I wanted a bit of independence, I guess.

Tip number 3, if you’re abroad, then buy things abroad – they can be much much cheaper. For example, bed sets and hantaran – you can’t get a Burberry toiletries set for less than RM200 in Malaysia. Or a decent leather Fiorelli for less than RM100.

Okay, enough with the tips, I’m bored already. If you want personalized tips and advice, contact me personally la.

As for married life, as a lot of people knew, I had the worst case of cold feet syndrome anyone could ever imagine for a year or so . Even on the wedding day itself, I had to try hard not to think too much about it since I was too euphoric because I got to see so many friends and family members at the event. Things have changed a bit since then. Regarding my pre-marital fears and apprehensions – well, there are those in which my presumptions were a bit misguided, and for the rest, I have just learned to cope and make my way around them. For instance, one of the things that scared me most about being married is that I will lose a part in the very close-knitness of my family. And although my sister says she’s now the favourite daughter , I actually feel that my love for my family has grown even stronger , and vice versa, with my parents even more ‘patronising’ (lovingly) than before (my mum used to call me every few hours when I was at my in-laws! ). And as for domestic activities such as cooking and ironing, I have managed to convince my husband that my cooking is beyond inedible and if I do any ironing, there’s a high probability that I will end up with another scar on my arm (and will thus charge him with domestic violence ). And I must say, one major advantage of being married is you can flirt outrageously with either sex and nobody actually minds. People even play along with you because both sides know it’s just harmless fun.

And if you ask me whether or not you should get married, personally, I would say I now take the stand of neutrality. If you have an eligible bachelor/bachelorette as your partner and have nothing better to do, then by all means, do get married. But if there isn’t any particular reason why you should, then I’d advise a lot of thought to be put into it and discussion with others as well. Whatever the decision you decide to take, I hope it will be the best and I pray that Allah makes you happy and content with the choice that you make, inshaAllah.

Before I pen off, there are a couple of things I’d like to ask from y’all. First, I do not wish to be called Puan/Mrs or the like; I would like to continue using Cik/Miss/Ms until I am ready to be called something old like that. As Sumayya Nowrin pointed out, “No one can make you be someone you don’t want to be. It’s your right to be called whatever you want.” Oh yeah!

And secondly, please always keep us in your prayers. Pray that things will continue to go well and get better by the second. And please please PLEASE don’t pray for me to get a baby. Not just yet. Pray that I don’t have any babies until I am actually capable of taking care of anyone other than myself (still struggling to make sure I’m properly taken care of ok!). And I can only take one major event at a time. The wedding was enough to fill me (and people around me!) with loads of adrenaline that’ll last for quite some time. Another big load would just give me a heart attack . So please stop asking about it too. Or you might get physically and verbally abused by an angry me.

Sekian, terima kasih.

Sapa kutuk cincin laki saya, jaga dia!