Contemplate before you procreate.

Working in Obs and Gynae (and Paeds previously) has brought to my attention many infanthood and childhood problems (medical and psychosocial) associated with a lack of parenting skills. Muslim ke tak Muslim, there are many not-too-good (bad sounds too harsh) parents in the world. Bukankah budak yang dah beberapa kali admitted sebab overdose tu datang dari family Muslim? And I attribute one of the causes of that to the fact that many of these parents were caught off guard and were not adequately prepared to conceive or bring up a child. And thus resulting in accidental parents – like Rick Warren said, there’s no such thing as accidental children, but there are accidental parents. Au kamaa qaal.

I might be wrong. People may actually put some thought into the pros and cons of having a baby in their circumstances before they actually go on and make babies. But as far as I’m concerned, as far as I have seen, many of us don’t. I don't want to go into detail pasal the locals sebab terlalu banyak kes, but among Malaysian students je, berapa banyak yang one parent terpaksa berhenti/tangguh belajar sebab nak jaga anak? Berapa banyak yang kena bertungkus lumus bekerja (sambil belajar) nak sara hidup anak bini? Berapa banyak yang kena hantar their small babies to live with their parents (baby’s grandparents) because they can’t afford to raise their child? Which I fail to fathom, as we put so much effort and consideration into getting married (oh, every single detail from finding the right guy/girl to what colour headband the flower girls should wear!), but for something that’s just as important, like bringing a new life into this world, we just let it happen by chance.

The cost of bringing up a child is nowhere similar to the cost of living for an adult. A pack of 40 Huggies diapers costs about 7 pounds, and will last probably 2 weeks at most (branded female sanitary towels cost only 2 pounds a month). A box of powdered infant formula (of a reasonable brand) costs about 7 pounds per week (a bottle of fresh milk for a week is less than a quid). Tu belum masuk bottles and feeding paraphernalia, pushchairs and carseats, cribs and cots, clothing and bathing, and of course toys to stimulate the child’s brain – most of which need to be changed every few months with the evolving needs of a growing baby. And of course the expensive price of daycare/nursery!

Raising and caring for a child requires a lot of time and patience. Among other things, changing nappies, feeding, cleaning up the child and the messes they make – all of those take up at least double the time needed to care for yourself. Sleep, your only asylum from the day’s turmoil, will be severely compromised. An infant normally wakes up a few times in the middle of the night (many more times when they’re ill), and of course you have to wake up and respond to its needs. Even if you have to get up a few times in the middle of the night when you have a waterworks infection, people become slightly more irritable and cranky the next day. Imagine the mood and counterproductivity of the following day if you have to get up to feed a baby or change the nappy!

Ini belum masuk bab physical hardships of pregnancy, labour (sakit nak mamp*s!) and running around caring for a baby lagi ni. Haih…

But that is just my opinion as a naïve person exposed to the medical side of things. I probably don’t understand the ultimate joy and bliss that comes with all that strife. Like they say, no pain, no gain. The worst pain I would go through for a good gain is piercing my ear. I would like to quote David Cameron, “of course the birth of any baby is a joy”; but please give it a lot of planning and consideration prior to saying “dah rezeki Tuhan nak bagi”.

So it may be none of my business – let other people sort out their own lives. But when people come up to you ‘pretending’ to be concerned that they might get pregnant because they’re not using any form of contraception but then do nothing about it and go on to have a baby, it slightly annoys you. Or when you know your friends are struggling (though they try to conceal it as much as possible) with the stresses of finances, time etc, it does pain you to just look on, and you can’t help but think things would be easier for them if a little effort was put into preventing such a crisis. Or when a case like Alfie’s (and the many other teenage pregnancies which aren’t in the spotlight) happens, you do wonder what is wrong with the society today. For God’s sake, the kid didn’t even understand the question “What will you do financially?” So dad gives you 10 quid sometimes – what are you gonna feed the kid on? Fish and chips? Poor taxpayers, they have to work their arses off to fund the lives of people who allow kids to have kids. And the vicious cycle continues.

Don’t get me wrong – if you want to have kids, by all means, go ahead. Go ahead when you have enough money to support yourself and the baby without needing too much outside help; when you have enough time to dedicate towards caring, nurturing and educating a child; when you have enough wisdom to make decisions for yourself, your child and your family, for both the present and the future; when you have all that it takes to make a purposeful and healthy human being out of your gonads.

Just because you’re good with kids, are a good person and really want to become a good parent, your fairy godmother can’t just wave her magic wand and make you one. There’s a whole lot more to pregnancy and parenting than that. Alfie has all those characteristics, but can you actually believe that he will be a good parent? I think not.

I rest my case.

Budak2 memang cumil. Tapi berfikirlah sebelum bertindak.

N.B.: For those yang memang dah plan for a baby and have thought about it thoroughly, my sincerest congratulations. And for those yang sudah terlajak perahu tak boleh diundur tu, by all means, seek help when you need it. Don’t leave problems too late sampai pening kepala semua orang. Whereas for those yang belum terkena, please take care. Patient.co.uk provides a good resource for simple guidance on contraception. (Saya menyampah orang yang duk risau side effects of contraception tapi tak takut pulak the many many MANY side effects, problems and complications associated with pregnancy and childbirth.)