Saya tau penggunaan kata nama tersebut agak racist, namun tiada istilah lain yang berjaya saya fikirkan supaya mereka tidak sedar yang saya sedang mengumpat mereka. Perkataan itu merujuk kepada semua (generalisation) orang yang beragama Islam di kawasan Asia Selatan. Dan ketahuilah, ini bukan entry bitching about other people, but more of an analysis of my observations, dan sebab saya dah bosan terpaksa menjawab bila orang bertanya or buat muka confused.
Kadang2 saya rasa kipas ni macam Melayu - suka mengkonfiuskan orang yang bukan Muslim di tempat tinggal masing2. Mungkin secara tak sengaja. But they even confuse me regarding their actions, apatah lagi omputih2 dan non-Muslims all over the world, especially in Western countries. Which is very sad, considering they make up the majority of Muslims in the UK (and many other Western countries), thus whether we all like it or not, they automatically become the ambassadors of the Muslim faith.
Tak caye? Then allow me to elaborate.
1. During a child mental health session recently, we had a discussion on a child who presented with psychosomatic symptoms due to the breakdown of her family, in which the mother had been depressed for many years due to being forced to leave India (and all her family) to marry a guy she didn't know (at the age of 16). And lo and behold, everyone is blaming arranged marriages, which everyone associates with Islam. Geram saya, rasa nak ketuk2 je kepala orang2 yang buat orang lain salah faham terhadap Islam ni. As far as I understand, there's a difference between family arranged marriages and forced marriages. But the kipas manage to make it the same thing. I mean, there's nothing wrong with arranged marriages, but you cannot force your daughter into marriage. There are clear sunnahs of the Prophet s.a.w. that reveal that women shall not be forced into marriage with someone they dislike.
Kadang2 saya rasa kipas ni macam Melayu - suka mengkonfiuskan orang yang bukan Muslim di tempat tinggal masing2. Mungkin secara tak sengaja. But they even confuse me regarding their actions, apatah lagi omputih2 dan non-Muslims all over the world, especially in Western countries. Which is very sad, considering they make up the majority of Muslims in the UK (and many other Western countries), thus whether we all like it or not, they automatically become the ambassadors of the Muslim faith.
Tak caye? Then allow me to elaborate.
1. During a child mental health session recently, we had a discussion on a child who presented with psychosomatic symptoms due to the breakdown of her family, in which the mother had been depressed for many years due to being forced to leave India (and all her family) to marry a guy she didn't know (at the age of 16). And lo and behold, everyone is blaming arranged marriages, which everyone associates with Islam. Geram saya, rasa nak ketuk2 je kepala orang2 yang buat orang lain salah faham terhadap Islam ni. As far as I understand, there's a difference between family arranged marriages and forced marriages. But the kipas manage to make it the same thing. I mean, there's nothing wrong with arranged marriages, but you cannot force your daughter into marriage. There are clear sunnahs of the Prophet s.a.w. that reveal that women shall not be forced into marriage with someone they dislike.
From Al-Khansa’ bint Khidam:
My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to Allah’s Messenger s.a.w.. He said to me: "Accept what your father has arranged." I said, "I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged." He said, "Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish." I said, "I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them)."
My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to Allah’s Messenger s.a.w.. He said to me: "Accept what your father has arranged." I said, "I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged." He said, "Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish." I said, "I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them)."
(Reported by Al-Bukhari)
A friend told me of a friend of a friend (sanad panjang skit) who was forced to marry a guy and was denied furthering her education. Although she begged and begged her parents, they persisted. Girl goes to live with husband's family, turns out guy also didn't want to marry girl coz he had a girlfriend (and continues to see her), in-laws treat girl like crap and don't let her go home, girl's parents don't attempt to contact her so have no idea she's living in hell, girl has 3 kids, et cetera et cetera. End of story, guy insists on marrying girlfriend, girl asks for divorce, girl is now 24 and is taking classes to get qualifications for a job to raise her 3 kids. And trust me, this isn't just a rare occurrence. I was in a mosque once and a girl (she was younger than me) came up to me asking about how marriages happen in the Malaysian culture (i.e. are they arranged?). Then she started talking about how she was forced into marriage, had a couple of kids, then got divorced coz useless husband, and was then trying to enroll into a nursing course. On the other hand, her sister was happily married to a man of her choice, but of course had to pay for it with disownment by their family and community. Yeah, I was surprised she would disclose that to a complete stranger, but that showed how desperate she was to share her sad story.
You'd understand the young-ness of the bride if they were living in a rural area in an undeveloped country, where you have nothing to do besides getting married and your parents can't afford to support you for long. But for cases like these, it's a waste of intellect to stop the girl from an educational opportunity just to force her into marriage. Pastu bila dah bercerai or suami tak guna tak support financially, the wife terpaksa start belajar balik (while keeping the home and caring for kids) so that she can get a job. It's pathetic. And I'm not saying you can't marry and have kids at a young age, coz UK has the highest rate of teenage pregancies in western Europe. The problem is when you stop the girls from learning important life skills through basic education (or further education for those yang more privileged). It's not like you can't do both at the same time. It doesn't only ruin the whole familial institution, but also gives a bad impression on society that Muslims are backwards people who force their daughters into marriage at a young age and don't let girls learn (kalau budak tu sendiri yang gatal sangat nak kawen macam adik saya, lain cerita
).
2. Numero dos, consanguineous marriage. During genetics teaching hari tu, the registrar said that consanguineous marriage is "common in Muslim cultures". Obviously muka saya berubah sampai SpR tu tengok saya and asked, "Is that right?" Maka saya berpeluang la untuk cakap, "No, I think it's more of cultural practices in the Indian subcontinent. It's not a Muslim culture." What the heck? In Islam, people are encouraged to marry as far from the family line as possible, so that boleh interbreed untuk menghasilkan offspring yang mentally and physically healthy.
You'd understand the young-ness of the bride if they were living in a rural area in an undeveloped country, where you have nothing to do besides getting married and your parents can't afford to support you for long. But for cases like these, it's a waste of intellect to stop the girl from an educational opportunity just to force her into marriage. Pastu bila dah bercerai or suami tak guna tak support financially, the wife terpaksa start belajar balik (while keeping the home and caring for kids) so that she can get a job. It's pathetic. And I'm not saying you can't marry and have kids at a young age, coz UK has the highest rate of teenage pregancies in western Europe. The problem is when you stop the girls from learning important life skills through basic education (or further education for those yang more privileged). It's not like you can't do both at the same time. It doesn't only ruin the whole familial institution, but also gives a bad impression on society that Muslims are backwards people who force their daughters into marriage at a young age and don't let girls learn (kalau budak tu sendiri yang gatal sangat nak kawen macam adik saya, lain cerita
).2. Numero dos, consanguineous marriage. During genetics teaching hari tu, the registrar said that consanguineous marriage is "common in Muslim cultures". Obviously muka saya berubah sampai SpR tu tengok saya and asked, "Is that right?" Maka saya berpeluang la untuk cakap, "No, I think it's more of cultural practices in the Indian subcontinent. It's not a Muslim culture." What the heck? In Islam, people are encouraged to marry as far from the family line as possible, so that boleh interbreed untuk menghasilkan offspring yang mentally and physically healthy.
"O mankind! We have indeed created you from one man and one woman, and have made you into various nations and tribes so that you may know one another."
Hadiah birthday yang kecik2 aje.
Kek carrot yang tak jadi. Tak cukup 24 batang lilin, so susun jadi 2 dan 4 je la.
If I buy you a Lotus, you have to buy me a Bimmer.
(Al-Hujurat, 49: 13)
Saya rasa nak marah sebab ignorant sangat registrar tu untuk buat generalisation camtu, but at the same time, I can't blame her, coz that's what happens here, leading to various penyakit pelik2 dan tidak common in the UK (hari tu ada budak kecik yang ada tyrosinaemia).
3. I have seen/heard of several kipas yang ada relationship dengan omputih, then bila dapat anak, bagi nama soleh/solehah kat anak2 tu. Kalau baik sangat kamu tu sampai nak bagi nama baik2 kat anak2, kenapa tak kawen je dengan girlfriend korang tu? Ke sebab mak ayah korang yang traditional sangat tu tak bagi kawen dengan omputih and nak korang kawen dengan your cousin from your homeland? Memalukan je letak nama baik2 seperti Aishah, tapi bersurname omputih (yakni surname maknya) sebab mak ayah tak berkahwin. I know a couple yang kipas boyfriend tu suh girlfriend dia masuk Islam, yet tak kawen and have four kids together! Apakah tujuan suh girlfriend masuk Islam if you're comitting adultery? Or is it a case of greater sin, less greater sin? Apa yang lagi mengkonfiuskan is boyfriend tu 'mendidik' girlfriend dia tu sampai girlfriend dia insist nak jumpa doktor perempuan je (konon sebab dia Muslim), sampai mengamuk2 kat GP, sedangkan perempuan tu bukan sahaja tidak menutup aurat, but also has a tattoo of boyfriend's name on her calf! Hmm, patut la anak2 mereka confused jugak, sampai amek dadah dan sleep around at the age of 12.
Wah, banyak pulak huraian saya pasal relationships and families. Mungkin kerana sekarang tengah buat Paeds and you see so many of these weird cases and can't help but ponder. Let us move on...
4. Sepertimana sesetengah Melayu, sesetengah kipas kurang mengambil berat tentang solat (i.e. sangat kagum kalau seseorang tu solat 5 waktu dan dengan tanpa segan silunya memberitahu bahawa dia sendiri tak solat sangat), but are amazingly very concerned about whether food is halal or not. Memang la kena cek makanan tu halal ke tak, tapi takde la sampai ke tahap kalau nak makan chips kat luar tu, nak tanya dulu orang kedai samada diorang goreng chips dengan lard.
3. I have seen/heard of several kipas yang ada relationship dengan omputih, then bila dapat anak, bagi nama soleh/solehah kat anak2 tu. Kalau baik sangat kamu tu sampai nak bagi nama baik2 kat anak2, kenapa tak kawen je dengan girlfriend korang tu? Ke sebab mak ayah korang yang traditional sangat tu tak bagi kawen dengan omputih and nak korang kawen dengan your cousin from your homeland? Memalukan je letak nama baik2 seperti Aishah, tapi bersurname omputih (yakni surname maknya) sebab mak ayah tak berkahwin. I know a couple yang kipas boyfriend tu suh girlfriend dia masuk Islam, yet tak kawen and have four kids together! Apakah tujuan suh girlfriend masuk Islam if you're comitting adultery? Or is it a case of greater sin, less greater sin? Apa yang lagi mengkonfiuskan is boyfriend tu 'mendidik' girlfriend dia tu sampai girlfriend dia insist nak jumpa doktor perempuan je (konon sebab dia Muslim), sampai mengamuk2 kat GP, sedangkan perempuan tu bukan sahaja tidak menutup aurat, but also has a tattoo of boyfriend's name on her calf! Hmm, patut la anak2 mereka confused jugak, sampai amek dadah dan sleep around at the age of 12.
Wah, banyak pulak huraian saya pasal relationships and families. Mungkin kerana sekarang tengah buat Paeds and you see so many of these weird cases and can't help but ponder. Let us move on...
4. Sepertimana sesetengah Melayu, sesetengah kipas kurang mengambil berat tentang solat (i.e. sangat kagum kalau seseorang tu solat 5 waktu dan dengan tanpa segan silunya memberitahu bahawa dia sendiri tak solat sangat), but are amazingly very concerned about whether food is halal or not. Memang la kena cek makanan tu halal ke tak, tapi takde la sampai ke tahap kalau nak makan chips kat luar tu, nak tanya dulu orang kedai samada diorang goreng chips dengan lard.
It was said to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
"People bring us meat and we do not know whether they have mentioned the Name of Allah over it or not. Shall we eat it or not?" and the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) replied, "Mention the Name of Allah (over it) and eat."
"People bring us meat and we do not know whether they have mentioned the Name of Allah over it or not. Shall we eat it or not?" and the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) replied, "Mention the Name of Allah (over it) and eat."
I always thought the general ruling is that you don't have to probe into things which you have not witnessed. Unless of course there's reason for doubt, then question la. But otherwise, most ulama' say you don't need to question things. Nanti jadi macam Bani Israel yang susah nak jumpa baqarah yang sesuai kan. Anyway, that's not the main point. The main thing that bewilders me is, have we forgotten that prayer is the first deed to be looked into on the Day of Judgement and not our food and drink? In fact, in times of desperation, we're even allowed to eat benda2 haram, but must always (always!) perform our prayers, in whatever circumstance.
5. And last but not least, there are those odd things like many kipas girls wearing nail polish (when not in menses) - tak tau la kalau ada mazhab yang cakap tak perlu ratakan air ke seluruh anggota wudhu', which is highly unlikely I believe. And ada yang pakai niqab, tapi rambut panjang lepas je sampai terkeluar (bukan dengan sikit2) dari tudung (and somehow laki dia boleh tak perasan). And anak2 muda yang pakai kopiah (which makes them appear very religious) yet bini tak tutup aurat.
Konfius, konfius...
5. And last but not least, there are those odd things like many kipas girls wearing nail polish (when not in menses) - tak tau la kalau ada mazhab yang cakap tak perlu ratakan air ke seluruh anggota wudhu', which is highly unlikely I believe. And ada yang pakai niqab, tapi rambut panjang lepas je sampai terkeluar (bukan dengan sikit2) dari tudung (and somehow laki dia boleh tak perasan). And anak2 muda yang pakai kopiah (which makes them appear very religious) yet bini tak tutup aurat.
Konfius, konfius...
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Sebelum saya mengakhiri penulisan yang membosankan ini, saya ingin mengucapkan selamat belated birthday kepada lelaki saya (my man?) yang sudah besar sekarang. Tahun ni hadiah kecik2 aje ya. Nanti dah lagi besar and dah kaya raya, Lotus boleh diconsider.
Hadiah birthday yang kecik2 aje.
Kek carrot yang tak jadi. Tak cukup 24 batang lilin, so susun jadi 2 dan 4 je la.
If I buy you a Lotus, you have to buy me a Bimmer.
5 comments:
Saya dah baca habis dah entry ni. Kurang sikit rasa kefahaman sebab tak tahu 'kipas' tu apa.
Hm.. Kipas. Kipas.
And I got a pair of shoes...ehich I have to pay.
Mestilah have to pay, saya orang miskin papa kedana...
So do you like 'em?
Salam.. setuju! dengan apa yang ditulis...
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