This entry is dedicated to those yang berbirthday 21st, 22nd and 26th February. Namely Hanisah, her tok laki and my brother who just got a new Dell laptop (benci la!).

With prayers of enduring prosperity, eternal bliss and a life bountiful of love and promise. Oh, I couldn't say things any better than Rascal Flatts and the Irish blessing, so I'll let them do all the work.

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you wanna go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.
But more than anything, more than anything...

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but you never forget,
All the ones who love you and the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And always give more than you take.

May you always have walls for the winds,
A roof for the rain,

Tea beside the fire,
Laughter to cheer you,

Those you love near you,
And all your heart might desire.

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields,

And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

May you have love that never ends,
Lots of money, and lots of friends.
Health be yours, whatever you do,
And may God send many blessings to you.

May the sun shine, all day long,
Everything go right, and nothing wrong.
May those you love bring love back to you,
And may all the wishes you wish come true.

May you have A world of wishes at your command,
God and His angels close to hand,
Friends and family their love impart,
and Irish blessings in your heart.

May God grant you many years to live,
For sure He must be knowing,
The earth has angels all too few.
And heaven is overflowing.

May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been
The foresight to know where you’re going
And the insight to know when you’re going too far.

May God grant you always
A sunbeam to warm you,
A moonbeam to charm you,
A sheltering angel, so nothing can harm you.

May you have warm words on a cold evening,
A full moon on a dark night,
And the road downhill all the way to your door.

May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light,
May good luck pursue you each morning and night.

For each petal on the shamrock,
This brings a wish your way,
Good health, good luck, and happiness,
For today and every day.

May the embers from the open hearth warm your hands,
May the sun’s rays from the Irish sky warm your face,
May the children’s bright smiles warm your heart,
May the everlasting love I give you warm your soul.

May you always have work for your hands to do,
May your pockets hold always a coin or two,
May the sun shine bright on your window pane,
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain,

May the hand of a friend always be near you,
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

May your thoughts be as glad as the shamrocks,
May your heart be as light as a song,
May each day bring you bright, happy hours,
That stay with you all the year long.

Lucky stars above you,
Sunshine on your way,
Many friends to love you,
Joy in work and play,
Laughter to outweigh each care,
In your heart a song,
And gladness waiting everywhere
All your whole life long.

May the raindrops fall lightly on your brow,
May the soft winds freshen your spirit,
May the sunshine brighten your heart,
May the burdens of the day rest lightly upon you,
And may God enfold you in the mantle of His love.

May you live a long life,
Full of gladness and health,
With a pocket full of gold,
As the least of your wealth.
May the dreams you hold dearest,
Be those which come true,
The kindness you spread,
Keep returning to you.

May the friendships you make,
Be those which endure.
And all of your grey clouds,
Be small ones for sure.
And trusting in Him,
To Whom we all pray,
May a song fill your heart,
Every step of the way.

Contemplate before you procreate.

Working in Obs and Gynae (and Paeds previously) has brought to my attention many infanthood and childhood problems (medical and psychosocial) associated with a lack of parenting skills. Muslim ke tak Muslim, there are many not-too-good (bad sounds too harsh) parents in the world. Bukankah budak yang dah beberapa kali admitted sebab overdose tu datang dari family Muslim? And I attribute one of the causes of that to the fact that many of these parents were caught off guard and were not adequately prepared to conceive or bring up a child. And thus resulting in accidental parents – like Rick Warren said, there’s no such thing as accidental children, but there are accidental parents. Au kamaa qaal.

I might be wrong. People may actually put some thought into the pros and cons of having a baby in their circumstances before they actually go on and make babies. But as far as I’m concerned, as far as I have seen, many of us don’t. I don't want to go into detail pasal the locals sebab terlalu banyak kes, but among Malaysian students je, berapa banyak yang one parent terpaksa berhenti/tangguh belajar sebab nak jaga anak? Berapa banyak yang kena bertungkus lumus bekerja (sambil belajar) nak sara hidup anak bini? Berapa banyak yang kena hantar their small babies to live with their parents (baby’s grandparents) because they can’t afford to raise their child? Which I fail to fathom, as we put so much effort and consideration into getting married (oh, every single detail from finding the right guy/girl to what colour headband the flower girls should wear!), but for something that’s just as important, like bringing a new life into this world, we just let it happen by chance.

The cost of bringing up a child is nowhere similar to the cost of living for an adult. A pack of 40 Huggies diapers costs about 7 pounds, and will last probably 2 weeks at most (branded female sanitary towels cost only 2 pounds a month). A box of powdered infant formula (of a reasonable brand) costs about 7 pounds per week (a bottle of fresh milk for a week is less than a quid). Tu belum masuk bottles and feeding paraphernalia, pushchairs and carseats, cribs and cots, clothing and bathing, and of course toys to stimulate the child’s brain – most of which need to be changed every few months with the evolving needs of a growing baby. And of course the expensive price of daycare/nursery!

Raising and caring for a child requires a lot of time and patience. Among other things, changing nappies, feeding, cleaning up the child and the messes they make – all of those take up at least double the time needed to care for yourself. Sleep, your only asylum from the day’s turmoil, will be severely compromised. An infant normally wakes up a few times in the middle of the night (many more times when they’re ill), and of course you have to wake up and respond to its needs. Even if you have to get up a few times in the middle of the night when you have a waterworks infection, people become slightly more irritable and cranky the next day. Imagine the mood and counterproductivity of the following day if you have to get up to feed a baby or change the nappy!

Ini belum masuk bab physical hardships of pregnancy, labour (sakit nak mamp*s!) and running around caring for a baby lagi ni. Haih…

But that is just my opinion as a naïve person exposed to the medical side of things. I probably don’t understand the ultimate joy and bliss that comes with all that strife. Like they say, no pain, no gain. The worst pain I would go through for a good gain is piercing my ear. I would like to quote David Cameron, “of course the birth of any baby is a joy”; but please give it a lot of planning and consideration prior to saying “dah rezeki Tuhan nak bagi”.

So it may be none of my business – let other people sort out their own lives. But when people come up to you ‘pretending’ to be concerned that they might get pregnant because they’re not using any form of contraception but then do nothing about it and go on to have a baby, it slightly annoys you. Or when you know your friends are struggling (though they try to conceal it as much as possible) with the stresses of finances, time etc, it does pain you to just look on, and you can’t help but think things would be easier for them if a little effort was put into preventing such a crisis. Or when a case like Alfie’s (and the many other teenage pregnancies which aren’t in the spotlight) happens, you do wonder what is wrong with the society today. For God’s sake, the kid didn’t even understand the question “What will you do financially?” So dad gives you 10 quid sometimes – what are you gonna feed the kid on? Fish and chips? Poor taxpayers, they have to work their arses off to fund the lives of people who allow kids to have kids. And the vicious cycle continues.

Don’t get me wrong – if you want to have kids, by all means, go ahead. Go ahead when you have enough money to support yourself and the baby without needing too much outside help; when you have enough time to dedicate towards caring, nurturing and educating a child; when you have enough wisdom to make decisions for yourself, your child and your family, for both the present and the future; when you have all that it takes to make a purposeful and healthy human being out of your gonads.

Just because you’re good with kids, are a good person and really want to become a good parent, your fairy godmother can’t just wave her magic wand and make you one. There’s a whole lot more to pregnancy and parenting than that. Alfie has all those characteristics, but can you actually believe that he will be a good parent? I think not.

I rest my case.

Budak2 memang cumil. Tapi berfikirlah sebelum bertindak.

N.B.: For those yang memang dah plan for a baby and have thought about it thoroughly, my sincerest congratulations. And for those yang sudah terlajak perahu tak boleh diundur tu, by all means, seek help when you need it. Don’t leave problems too late sampai pening kepala semua orang. Whereas for those yang belum terkena, please take care. Patient.co.uk provides a good resource for simple guidance on contraception. (Saya menyampah orang yang duk risau side effects of contraception tapi tak takut pulak the many many MANY side effects, problems and complications associated with pregnancy and childbirth.)

Feature article

Those who seek justice do so in vain

by Yasmin Alibhai-Brown

Up to 60 per cent of the best farmland in Gaza has been systematically destroyed, livestock too. Christine van Nieuwenhuyse, a director at the World Food Programme, says this deliberately blighted land "may not be exploitable again". The lemon trees and noisy chickens must have been hiding Hamas rockets. Israel is also keeping some of the remaining arable land beyond the reach of the Palestinians who own it by making it into a buffer zone. Almost all the infrastructure has been flattened too. The resulting perpetual humiliation and dependency, one assumes, is part of Israel's strategic plan.

President Obama has sent forth George Mitchell, a skilled and respected negotiator, to start dialogues that could eventually lead to a durable settlement. We must hope he can achieve the impossible. But even if he does, that alone cannot ensure the kind of peace that all the people in that region sorely need and surely deserve.

There is too much unfinished business, too much reckoning left over. Peace without equality and credible scrutiny is itself a violation of human rights, an affirmation that some nations are beyond the reach of the law. Mitchell would not have been able to achieve peace in Northern Ireland if Britain had, with impunity, bombed the Catholic areas and slaughtered civilians. Israel is today a ruthless nuclear state, with arsenals of artillery, missiles, chemical and biological weaponry. It respects no international laws and conventions (originally set up to stop Jewish persecution) and does what it pleases.

But why pick only on Israel? Western nations, including Britain, supply some of the killing machines used on children in Gaza. The US and UK have never been hauled through any independent judiciary to explain their lies spun to justify the war on Iraq, or the cluster bombs dropped on civilians, the massacres in Fallujah, the million dead and many more who are born deformed.

We may at long last learn about what happened in the run-up to the war in Blair's cabinet meetings. Many of the ministers who colluded – Hoon, Straw – or acquiesced have gone on to further great success. As have several "ethnic minority" MPs and Peers always happy to oblige. Blair has enriched himself faster than any recent British PM I know of – an indication of how low is his sense of public morality and of those who pay him for his services. All is forgiven and forgotten. He is even our most trusted Man in the Middle East – who must have known about Israel's plans in Gaza and did F all.

Henry Kissinger is in the same happy position. Instead of being tried for actively supporting Pinochet, bombing Cambodia etc etc, he became a sought after statesman, rich and famous enough to stroke the fair arms of Princess Diana. How shocked he was when, a few years ago, Jeremy Paxman interrogated him on Start the Week on his unethical foreign policies. (Paxo's finest hour in my view) and Kissinger walked out of the studio. Such men do not expect to answer such questions. They are above all that. Watch this space and George Bush Jnr will be raking in loot and obsequies. That is what power gets you – immunity and pleasures untold.

We are still basking in Obama's radiance and are heartened that he so soon announced the closure of Guantanamo Bay concentration camp. But again that cannot be the final word on the crimes committed there. The men evoked by the new American president would understand why. Thomas Jefferson's words at his own inauguration speak up clearly from the grave: "Equal and exact justice to all men... freedom of the person under the protection of the habeas corpus and trial by juries impartially selected – these principles form the bright constellation that has gone before us".

Martin Luther King also warned: "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice around the world." The west too often fails these truly noble ideals. What happens to those who established the camp and its methods? To the torturers and prison guards? Binyam Mohammed, a British resident is said to be close to death and may well leave in a coffin. But apparently nobody is responsible.

Only Third World and ex-Communist bastards ever get to face international condemnation and trials. If the Sri Lankan government carries on shelling Tamil civilians, it will be ( rightly) censured and held responsible by the UN and other bodies. Not so-called "leading nations" when they ignore binding conventions. Sure, a few unfortunate soldiers or policemen are forced through weak, domestic investigations to prove that rule of law is respected. They are merely sacrificial goats. People of real of power or influence in the west or Israel, or Russia, now China and India, know they will never be dragged off to The Hague.

Corrupt individuals with the kind of money that makes western politicians salivate are always safe and clean. Accountability will not come knocking at their doors. The freemasons making torture equipment and arms thrive, protected in perpetuity by official secrecy. Individuals in those hidden crypts will never stand in the dock. Peace without fairness and due process is worthless. Even in South Africa, where Mandela virtuously put reconciliation before justice, furious urban blacks still feel that the settlement on that basis was profoundly unjust because whites who cruelly administered Apartheid policies got away with it.

Millions around the world, the young in particular, will not accept that double international standards are as immutable as laws of nature. They are now connected up, sharing rage and frustration. The beneficiaries are Mugabe (a hero for many), Bin Laden, Hamas, suicide terrorist cells, violent nihilists and real anti-Semites. And so there will be no peace. The great anti-slavery judge William Mansfield said in 1768: "Fiat justitia, ruat coelum" – Let justice be done, though the skies may fall. If the powerful don't understand that, they deserve the contempt increasingly heaped on them.

N.B.: Abah, you can no longer say this blog is badly constipated.

Kipas yang mengkonfiuskan.

Saya tau penggunaan kata nama tersebut agak racist, namun tiada istilah lain yang berjaya saya fikirkan supaya mereka tidak sedar yang saya sedang mengumpat mereka. Perkataan itu merujuk kepada semua (generalisation) orang yang beragama Islam di kawasan Asia Selatan. Dan ketahuilah, ini bukan entry bitching about other people, but more of an analysis of my observations, dan sebab saya dah bosan terpaksa menjawab bila orang bertanya or buat muka confused.

Kadang2 saya rasa kipas ni macam Melayu - suka mengkonfiuskan orang yang bukan Muslim di tempat tinggal masing2. Mungkin secara tak sengaja. But they even confuse me regarding their actions, apatah lagi omputih2 dan non-Muslims all over the world, especially in Western countries. Which is very sad, considering they make up the majority of Muslims in the UK (and many other Western countries), thus whether we all like it or not, they automatically become the ambassadors of the Muslim faith.

Tak caye? Then allow me to elaborate.

1. During a child mental health session recently, we had a discussion on a child who presented with psychosomatic symptoms due to the breakdown of her family, in which the mother had been depressed for many years due to being forced to leave India (and all her family) to marry a guy she didn't know (at the age of 16). And lo and behold, everyone is blaming arranged marriages, which everyone associates with Islam. Geram saya, rasa nak ketuk2 je kepala orang2 yang buat orang lain salah faham terhadap Islam ni. As far as I understand, there's a difference between family arranged marriages and forced marriages. But the kipas manage to make it the same thing. I mean, there's nothing wrong with arranged marriages, but you cannot force your daughter into marriage. There are clear sunnahs of the Prophet s.a.w. that reveal that women shall not be forced into marriage with someone they dislike.

From Al-Khansa’ bint Khidam:
My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to Allah’s Messenger s.a.w.. He said to me: "Accept what your father has arranged." I said, "I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged." He said, "Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish." I said, "I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them)."

(Reported by Al-Bukhari)

A friend told me of a friend of a friend (sanad panjang skit) who was forced to marry a guy and was denied furthering her education. Although she begged and begged her parents, they persisted. Girl goes to live with husband's family, turns out guy also didn't want to marry girl coz he had a girlfriend (and continues to see her), in-laws treat girl like crap and don't let her go home, girl's parents don't attempt to contact her so have no idea she's living in hell, girl has 3 kids, et cetera et cetera. End of story, guy insists on marrying girlfriend, girl asks for divorce, girl is now 24 and is taking classes to get qualifications for a job to raise her 3 kids. And trust me, this isn't just a rare occurrence. I was in a mosque once and a girl (she was younger than me) came up to me asking about how marriages happen in the Malaysian culture (i.e. are they arranged?). Then she started talking about how she was forced into marriage, had a couple of kids, then got divorced coz useless husband, and was then trying to enroll into a nursing course. On the other hand, her sister was happily married to a man of her choice, but of course had to pay for it with disownment by their family and community. Yeah, I was surprised she would disclose that to a complete stranger, but that showed how desperate she was to share her sad story.

You'd understand the young-ness of the bride if they were living in a rural area in an undeveloped country, where you have nothing to do besides getting married and your parents can't afford to support you for long. But for cases like these, it's a waste of intellect to stop the girl from an educational opportunity just to force her into marriage. Pastu bila dah bercerai or suami tak guna tak support financially, the wife terpaksa start belajar balik (while keeping the home and caring for kids) so that she can get a job. It's pathetic. And I'm not saying you can't marry and have kids at a young age, coz UK has the highest rate of teenage pregancies in western Europe. The problem is when you stop the girls from learning important life skills through basic education (or further education for those yang more privileged). It's not like you can't do both at the same time. It doesn't only ruin the whole familial institution, but also gives a bad impression on society that Muslims are backwards people who force their daughters into marriage at a young age and don't let girls learn (kalau budak tu sendiri yang gatal sangat nak kawen macam adik saya, lain cerita ).

2. Numero dos, consanguineous marriage. During genetics teaching hari tu, the registrar said that consanguineous marriage is "common in Muslim cultures". Obviously muka saya berubah sampai SpR tu tengok saya and asked, "Is that right?" Maka saya berpeluang la untuk cakap, "No, I think it's more of cultural practices in the Indian subcontinent. It's not a Muslim culture." What the heck? In Islam, people are encouraged to marry as far from the family line as possible, so that boleh interbreed untuk menghasilkan offspring yang mentally and physically healthy.

"O mankind! We have indeed created you from one man and one woman, and have made you into various nations and tribes so that you may know one another."

(Al-Hujurat, 49: 13)

Saya rasa nak marah sebab ignorant sangat registrar tu untuk buat generalisation camtu, but at the same time, I can't blame her, coz that's what happens here, leading to various penyakit pelik2 dan tidak common in the UK (hari tu ada budak kecik yang ada tyrosinaemia).

3. I have seen/heard of several kipas yang ada relationship dengan omputih, then bila dapat anak, bagi nama soleh/solehah kat anak2 tu. Kalau baik sangat kamu tu sampai nak bagi nama baik2 kat anak2, kenapa tak kawen je dengan girlfriend korang tu? Ke sebab mak ayah korang yang traditional sangat tu tak bagi kawen dengan omputih and nak korang kawen dengan your cousin from your homeland? Memalukan je letak nama baik2 seperti Aishah, tapi bersurname omputih (yakni surname maknya) sebab mak ayah tak berkahwin. I know a couple yang kipas boyfriend tu suh girlfriend dia masuk Islam, yet tak kawen and have four kids together! Apakah tujuan suh girlfriend masuk Islam if you're comitting adultery? Or is it a case of greater sin, less greater sin? Apa yang lagi mengkonfiuskan is boyfriend tu 'mendidik' girlfriend dia tu sampai girlfriend dia insist nak jumpa doktor perempuan je (konon sebab dia Muslim), sampai mengamuk2 kat GP, sedangkan perempuan tu bukan sahaja tidak menutup aurat, but also has a tattoo of boyfriend's name on her calf! Hmm, patut la anak2 mereka confused jugak, sampai amek dadah dan sleep around at the age of 12.

Wah, banyak pulak huraian saya pasal relationships and families. Mungkin kerana sekarang tengah buat Paeds and you see so many of these weird cases and can't help but ponder. Let us move on...

4. Sepertimana sesetengah Melayu, sesetengah kipas kurang mengambil berat tentang solat (i.e. sangat kagum kalau seseorang tu solat 5 waktu dan dengan tanpa segan silunya memberitahu bahawa dia sendiri tak solat sangat), but are amazingly very concerned about whether food is halal or not. Memang la kena cek makanan tu halal ke tak, tapi takde la sampai ke tahap kalau nak makan chips kat luar tu, nak tanya dulu orang kedai samada diorang goreng chips dengan lard.

It was said to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
"People bring us meat and we do not know whether they have mentioned the Name of Allah over it or not. Shall we eat it or not?" and the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) replied, "Mention the Name of Allah (over it) and eat."

I always thought the general ruling is that you don't have to probe into things which you have not witnessed. Unless of course there's reason for doubt, then question la. But otherwise, most ulama' say you don't need to question things. Nanti jadi macam Bani Israel yang susah nak jumpa baqarah yang sesuai kan. Anyway, that's not the main point. The main thing that bewilders me is, have we forgotten that prayer is the first deed to be looked into on the Day of Judgement and not our food and drink? In fact, in times of desperation, we're even allowed to eat benda2 haram, but must always (always!) perform our prayers, in whatever circumstance.

5. And last but not least, there are those odd things like many kipas girls wearing nail polish (when not in menses) - tak tau la kalau ada mazhab yang cakap tak perlu ratakan air ke seluruh anggota wudhu', which is highly unlikely I believe. And ada yang pakai niqab, tapi rambut panjang lepas je sampai terkeluar (bukan dengan sikit2) dari tudung (and somehow laki dia boleh tak perasan). And anak2 muda yang pakai kopiah (which makes them appear very religious) yet bini tak tutup aurat.

Konfius, konfius...

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Sebelum saya mengakhiri penulisan yang membosankan ini, saya ingin mengucapkan selamat belated birthday kepada lelaki saya (my man?) yang sudah besar sekarang. Tahun ni hadiah kecik2 aje ya. Nanti dah lagi besar and dah kaya raya, Lotus boleh diconsider.

Hadiah birthday yang kecik2 aje.

Kek carrot yang tak jadi. Tak cukup 24 batang lilin, so susun jadi 2 dan 4 je la.

If I buy you a Lotus, you have to buy me a Bimmer.