I don't know for how long I can go on like this.

The weather isn't helping either. It's too fricking cold inside (worse outside obviously) the house to do anything except lie under the duvet with layers of clothes, a hoodie and another jumper. My food provider dah balik kampung dia untuk exam, so everyday I have to think about what to eat (Fatimah pun sedih dah takde makanan bila datang rumah). I go on Facebook to cool down by looking at friends' and families' pictures and walls. But then I get updates on the various profane public expressions of love between married (and non-married) couples who funnily enough find joy and pleasure through showing off and annoying other people (seb baik dah pandai buang diorang dari updates).

I think everybody's exhausted to the limit already and are on the verge of mental collapse.

These last few weeks will determine everything. All the hard work in school (tipu la tu hard work), college and 4 1/2 years of university will be tested in these last few weeks. And if things go wrong, imagine how wasteful all those years of tears and sweat were. I shouldn't have worked so hard back then; I should have done a simpler degree, gotten a good-paying job and enjoy a wonderful and fulfilling life instead. I don't know if it's worth it anymore.

I know I can tell other people that it's near the end of the road already. But the end seems so near yet it actually is so so far. I don't have enough motivation or perseverance to do these last few miles.

Public Display of Affection (PDA)

My definition: verbal and/or physical expressions of love towards one's husband/wife in the presence of another person

First of all I would like to apologise for being rude/mean in my recent Facebook status. The intention was solely to discourage people who are PDA-ing, and also to prevent people who are yet to get married from doing it when they do marry [I'm not even gonna go into unmarried couples, itu sah2 haram]. I was not doing it because I'm a bitter old hag who leads a miserable life. I actually thought I was doing a good thing by saying it out loud so people could take heed, rather than continuing to talk behind your backs. And seriously, it's not just me. As you could see from the previous Facebook status, there were quite a few people who had the courage to say something. Orang lain, especially yang belum kawen, tak berani cakap depan2 sebab nanti dituduh jealous, so they chose to share it with people who would understand.

"Aku tak tau la orang lain, tapi kalau aku, aku malu nak buat."
"Diorang patut tahu jaga maruah diri sendiri dan pasangan."
"Macam nak show off je."
"Kat mana limit segan masing2?"
Kawan saya yang pemalu dan baik hati, kerana sakit hati apabila membaca orang duk panggil each other 'sayang' and 'baby' in public berkata, "When I get married, I'm gonna call my husband by his f*cking name!"

Adakah korang gembira bila orang cakap macam2 pasal korang kat belakang korang?

Yang sedihnya perkara2 begini banyak berlaku di kalangan orang2 yang kita lihat Islamic, berakhlak mulia dan menjaga halal-haram dalam perkara lain, tapi tak terjaga bila hal2 camni.

Mari kita lihat contoh Rasulullah s.a.w. Yang jelas dan pastinya adalah Nabi tak peluk isteri dia in public. All the stories of romance between the beloved Prophet s.a.w. and his wives were narrated from his wives to guide Muslims in their own lives. And as people who claim to be Islamic and followers of the sunnah, then perhaps you should consider appreciating this sunnah.

Kenapa saya kata benda tu tak boleh buat dalam Islam? [Nanti kalau saya cakap haram, ramai orang mengamuk pulak nanti, macam orang marah bila guna 'babi', dan lebih suka guna 'khinzir' sebab bunyi macam arnab yang comel.]

Yang pertamanya adalah sebab perbuatan tersebut menyakitkan hati ramai orang. Kalau orang macam saya yang busuk hati ni je sakit hati, takpe la. Tapi dah ramai orang yang juruh2 dan hati mulia pun cakap macam2 dan tidak selesa dengan kelakuan sebegitu. Dan sesungguhnya orang2 Islam itu adalah bersaudara, dan kita hidup secara bermasyarakat, kena la consider perasaan orang lain.

Kalau korang still tak nampak betapa tak patutnya buat, the other reason is because you make people feel like they too wanna get married ASAP so that they can do the same thing. And untuk orang yang belum berkahwin rasa ghar/turned on/berangan dan teringin buat sesuatu yang pada waktu itu haram untuk diorang, adalah berdosa. Maka orang yang menyebabkan orang lain rasa camtu, agak2nya apalah hukumnya?

Memang la korang rasa macam benda tu tak salah, sebab korang laki bini. Memang tak haram korang berpegang tangan, berpeluk, bercakap manja2 sebab korang dah kahwin. Tapi tetap berdosa (again, takleh guna 'haram', nanti orang marah) bila buat depan orang atas sebab2 yang tersebut di atas. So camana yang halal boleh jadi haram pulak? Contohnya camni la. Aurat between siblings is antara pusat hingga lutut. Tapi takde la korang (yang perempuan) berkeliaran dalam rumah tak pakai baju dan bra kan? Sebab korang pun boleh fikir apa perasaan adik beradik tengok. Maka menjadi haram la in that situation untuk korang hanya tutup aurat dari pusat hingga lutut kerana ia boleh buat orang lain dalam rumah tu rasa lain macam and boleh lead to perkara2 yang tak diingini.

Faham ke?

Bukan nak suruh korang bergaduh2 dan jual mahal depan orang; tapi korang tak berPDA pun, semua orang tau korang bahagia. Cukup la setakat itu.

Akhir kata, kita orang Islam dan orang timur, jangan la kita menjatuhkan maruah diri sendiri dengan berkelakuan seperti itu.